My great intentions for the day flipped, then flopped to somewhat meager results. It seems that Lil' Miss Scarlette Rose has been more productive than myself through her ongoing hours of nursing today. This sweet baby girl of mine loves to suckle her way to bliss and she's got the chub to show for it - not to mention - the poopy diapers.
Today was another one of those days. The overwhelming desire to hide away from everyone has taken over me and I feel guilty for the promises and plans that I have broken.
I just couldn't get my act together and I hope my blues will be forgiven. I could so easily close my eyes and forget everything that I'm supposed to be doing and drift off into a different world. I do, at times, just that. There are days that I literally have to force myself to get moving and be productive in some form or another. The tears that I need to shed are ones that I blink inside and save for another time and that time hasn't come yet. If it wasn't for the medication that I take for my clinical depression and the Mom's postpartum depression group therapy that I go to every Tuesday, I'm not sure where I would be right now.
There is such a stigma in our society in regards to mental illness; depression, ADHD, anxiety and mood disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, addictions...the list goes on. All of these challenges have touched my life and tend to hang on like one of those nasty crusts - that you can't help but stare at - peeking out of a stranger's nose. Could you dare to pick it...or...pressure wash it? Whacked, I know...but, I truly believe awareness and talking openly is the key to healing and coping in life.
Now, to make some icing for my Jake gurlfriend's week ago Birthday cakes. Chocolate and carrot...how can one go wrong?
Love you Auntie if you need to talk i'm here :)
ReplyDeleteThe cakes were appreciated--you cant go wrong. I know these days and they seem to be going around. Im around and about--and have plenty of tea and coffee.
ReplyDeleteStigmas galore in this crazy world, with everything us humans have to endure. I Hear ya. I'm there. And I fight against judgements too. I self protect. I self protect my family-my whole family far and wide. I'm a freaken' Mama Grizzly Bear. We are all ok deep down inside. One day, we will all overcome and slide into home base. Home free.
ReplyDeleteAt my ripe old age, I've discovered that every single human being has issues--Pain and struggles--even if they pretend they don't--even if they fake their way through life as posers.
I also try to disappear and use my sometimes latent ADD in obsessing over Hucul & Sobel genealogy research. Yah. I'm back at it again.
I should Blog like you, but for now, I'm working on the Hucul/Hucal facebook site. I want to leave something behind & pull everyone together. It's a start....somewhere at least. That's my "Scarlette Rosebud"!! My baby.
Re: Tears: I go through roller coaster feelings. Subsurface stuff goes on for a while; I'm calm. Then, simple triggers set me off. ie. Especially this weekend for some reason. I know you know what I mean. Remember,
I love you,
big sista, Shelley