I miss him.
I still think about our moments.
I try to hide it from everyone.
But there it is tucked away deep.
Poking and jabbing at me from the inside.
Making my present circumstances,
Seem almost unbearable at times.
I pretend that he does not exist.
I’m almost fooled,
Until I catch sight of him again.
Literally my breath ceases.
And it’s as if my heart is being squeezed,
Right out of my breast.
Copyright © Tateyana Hucul
January 25, 2010
Lost Expectations
She has a faraway look in her eyes.
A place no woman wants to be.
I sit beside her.
Newborn suckling at my breast.
Glance over and note the despair.
Marked on her face.
She tries hard to cover.
But I know of the ache from some time ago.
A huge, gaping hole that can't ever be filled.
Well intentioned words do little to change the emptiness.
Fear, desperation and madness take root deep in your soul.
Want, dreams and hope fade with each passing moment.
They say time will heal anything.
But how do you put together a shattered heart?
Delicately piece by piece.
Copyright © Tateyana Hucul
July 26, 1995
Brave Future Awaits Me
I dream of a road not traveled.
I can see it clearly in my mind.
My compact, red car packed to the brim.
With only the necessities inside.
Three young children and a dog buckled up.
Waiting impatiently for the new life to begin.
We are leaving behind the pain and ugliness.
In hopes for a fresh beginning somewhere else.
I tell myself that I am brave and strong enough to do this.
As I am filled with fear, uncertainty and anxiety.
Tears roll down my cheeks as my heavy heart fills with sadness.
I know that I will dearly miss all that has become familiar.
I am hauntingly raw and cold inside.
I wonder whether I will ever be warm.
Against all odds, I have continued to persevere.
To show my children that you can succeed.
Secretly, I am terrified of the future and all that it holds.
The threats that I have lived under for the past twenty years.
Must be put in their place and that is not where I belong.
Now I am the nomad, the wanderer, the runner from love.
At times I see myself reflected in others’ eyes.
And I realize that I am not totally alone in this world.
The knowledge lays a strange, lonely comfort over me.
As I gently unfold my map and pray the past behind me.
Copyright © Tateyana Hucul
Written on April 19, 2006
Once Upon A Time Of Love....This Man That I Know
There's a man that I know
With eyes so blue;
That when I look into them,
They penetrate straight through to my soul.
I quickly look away,
From the fear of becoming so lost in him,
That I'll never find my way back to reality.
There's a man that I know,
With a mouth so full and sweet,
And his kisses steal me away,
To another realm of the universe.
I've only partially traveled to it once before.
Will I ever find my way back?
Floating upon my desire; I'm gone now.
There's a man that I know,
Whose strong hands touch me,
In ways that I've only dreamed of.
His hands are memorizing their way;
Around my body, my face, my hair, all of me.
The strength from his arms
Can lift me up.
I think - what a man I have now.
So enticing and determined are his movements for me.
There's a man that I know,
Whose fragile heart is opening up -
With love for me.
This love is being returned to him.
Nothing is held back.
I am trusting in him and he is trusting in me.
There's a man that I know,
Who speaks my name;
'Tateyana' in such a way,
As to make me blush.
And full of happiness - I smile,
As I never have before.
There's a man I know,
Who reassures me that he is not going anywhere;
Who would like a long future with me.
All he wishes for is my faithfulness and love.
I can give him that and much more.
Finally I have found love.
This man that I know is no longer.
Copyright © Tateyana Hucul
(written July 30, 2006)
